dichotomy of a girl named alex

feeling in my power ofc

I’m feeling in my power because I bought the chicest pair of fake Dior sunglasses on Canal Street this weekend. I thought there would be no better way to exert that power than by writing this newsletter which I have for so long abandoned. You’re welcome. It’s a beautiful time of year where I don’t need a coat but I do need a jacket and I take the L to Brooklyn every night. Since I last wrote this masterpiece, I’ve started my junior year of college which is in every way the opposite of junior year of high school. Junior year of high school is universally the hardest year of life (SAT, AP US History) but junior year of college is all about never having to do work and listening to 10 hours of podcasts per week. 

Lately, I’ve been thinking about the dichotomy of a girl and that girl being mean. I am of course the most interesting girl to ever request Hailey Bieber nails at TikTok’s most popular West Village nail salon and the only socialist in America who feels most at peace inside of Brandy Melville (but only the intimate ones: Greenwich Village, The Grove, Studio City (rip)). What the fuck is going on with Hailey Bieber? I dislike her for having issues with my girl Selena, yet I cannot stop supporting her financially. Her name is getting thrown around but she’s doing nothing and she’s the only celebrity who has ever changed her last name and had that be universally accepted. I guess that can only work when you choose to go by the less renown last name.

I of course am a champion of nepo babies because we have to wholeheartedly support all people who have what we want. I want what Maude Apatow has, which is the perfect memory of going to a Taylor Swift concert in your youth with Lena Dunham. There should be some sort of adoption policy that every successful person in the arts has to adopt at least two nyu students to perform nepotism toward — that would only be fair. 

sunglasses from canal

Oftentimes people mistake me for a girl who has been to Europe because of everything about me and the way I perform my personality. It’s a little known fact that I’ve never been to Europe. However, come January, I will be London based for a few months (read: I’m going abroad). It’s brave of me to go abroad for two reasons. First, I’m up and coming in New York and it’s a bold choice to leave when you’re on the rise. And second, when other people go abroad they come back annoying, but I’m starting off annoying so it’s scary to think about the possibilities of what I might be like when I return. My plan is to befriend Lena Dunham and get a British Jewish boyfriend like Brynn of RHONY’s Gideon. 

Lately, I’m the biggest influencer for two things: Wellbutrin and Wegmans. Wellbutrin is my girl, my saving grace, the reason I’m always giggling and why all my jeans are too big. It’s nature’s Ozempic. I couldn’t recommend her enough. If you’re feeling sad, just get on that pill (with your psychiatrist's permission of course). I recently went to a therapist who told me not to drink, eat sugar, dairy, soy, gluten, smoke weed, etc. which is basically a death sentence to avoid fun, happiness, etc. I love going the pharmaceutical route when it comes to putting me in a good mood. My therapy is now Wegmans on Astor Place. It’s a perfect grocery store and every single day I go shopping there and come home with produce at low prices like chopped romaine lettuce for 3 days at only $2.29. Not only do they have a full gluten free section (huge deal) but also all of their sushi is fully gluten free too so I can enjoy raw fish without fear. If you live near a Wegmans, or even if you live far from one, you have to have to go. 

Even with the excitement of the two big W’s (Weg and Well) it’s hard not to feel hopeless when it comes to love. My very best friend from high school who is by common law married to her way too old boyfriend has just announced to our group chat that they’re on a break. It’s simply too hard being a girl and when you throw dating into the mix it’s almost impossible. I am of course nothing close to an expert in that field because straight men don’t know what to do with me, but when one of monogamy’s strongest soldiers falls, it’s important to listen and learn. 

I feel like I’ve covered a lot of ground in the subject of me, so I will close up this newsletter now. If you’re feeling like supporting women in the arts, you should absolutely feel so comfortable getting a paid subscription to this newsletter and maybe just maybe it’ll become biweekly like it was when I started it many moons ago. 

with love,